Aargh!

     “Okay, so tell me again why you’re trying on women’s blouses?” Darren smiled to some guys who passed him as he shouted through the dressing room door.

     “Because,” said Andy from within the room, “The party is a swashbuckler theme and it’s hard to find puffy shirts in men’s clothing.”

     The door opened and Andy appeared wearing a shapely white blouse that was, indeed, very puffy.

     “What do you think?” asked Andy as he posed in front of a tall mirror.

     “Honestly,” said Darren, “I think it makes your hips look big.”

     “Hmm… I think you’re right.” Andy twisted around to look at his reflection from the back. “I really wish I lost five pounds before the party. Maybe I can find a sash in the Ladies’ Accessories department to cover it up. I think they have big loop earrings there, too.”

     “Didn’t you tell me you were going to have a tough and manly costume?” asked Darren. “Aren’t you going to this party so you can meet women?”

     “Of course,” said Andy. “Pirates are very manly. Everyone fears them and I’m dressing up like one because all the single ladies will see me as a badass. Now, let’s go to the cosmetics counter so I can try on some eyeliner.”