tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-45796950034589730112024-03-13T04:29:58.772-07:00Short Stories and Very Short Storiesby Martin KarlMartin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.comBlogger102125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-67991159567248561302012-03-03T14:12:00.001-08:002012-03-03T20:37:45.637-08:00Ninja 101<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-laF2Yd64jp8/T1KXQPXuUCI/AAAAAAAAAm0/34V8W5xFYv4/s1600/ninja.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-laF2Yd64jp8/T1KXQPXuUCI/AAAAAAAAAm0/34V8W5xFYv4/s200/ninja.jpg" width="141" /></a></div>
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“Doggone it!” </div>
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Randy slammed the front door shut as soon as he entered his house. He was still dripping wet, but paid no attention to the mess he made as he stomped across the carpet. Instead, he marched straight into the kitchen, took off his shirt and wrung it out in the sink.</div>
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Sparky, Randy’s beagle, heard the commotion and trotted into the kitchen. When he saw Randy standing shirtless over the sink, he let out a grunt—not that it was unusual to see Randy standing above the sink without a shirt, but because Randy looked extra angry today.</div>
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Randy sighed. “No, I’m not okay Sparky. That pesky Mrs. Pearson hosed me again.”</div>
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For the third time this week, Mrs. Pearson, Randy’s next-door neighbor, caught him trying to steal carrots from her garden. Randy wanted the carrots so he could catch a rabbit to keep Sparky company when he was away. He tried to explain to Mrs. Pearson that he was only thinking of Sparky’s well-being, but that selfish old bag didn’t even give a hoot. Instead, she just yelled at him and chased him away with the garden hose. This was the third time Randy had to hang up his underwear to dry in the kitchen window.</div>
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“I just don’t know what to do, Sparky.” Randy scratched the beagle behind the ears before taking off his boxers. “I try to be quiet, but she hears me every time. I wish I was a ninja. Then I’d be so sneaky she could look right at me and not even know I was there.”</div>
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Sparky let out a little yap.</div>
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“Why can’t I be a ninja? Well, it’s not that easy, Sparky. Not just anyone can do it. You have to go through all sorts of ninja training and buy ninja clothes. And there’s probably some kind of certification you need to do it properly.”</div>
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Sparky yapped again.</div>
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“Well… honestly, I don’t know why I can’t do it,” Randy said as he pulled off his socks. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to look into it.”</div>
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After he hung up the last of his clothes, Randy walked outside and began digging through stacks of old mail and newspapers in his recycling bin until he found the class schedule from the local adult education center. He remembered throwing it in there last week after using it to kill a big spider that scared Sparky. The spider guts were still on the back cover.</div>
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Randy quickly flipped through the computer training and cooking classes until he found what he was looking for. There it was: Introduction to the Ninja Arts. And the good news was that the class met on Tuesday and Thursday evenings starting next week, so it wouldn’t interfere with Randy’s knitting circle.</div>
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“What luck,” he said. “But there’s a $65 class fee. Is it really worth it?”</div>
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Just then a stream of cold water hit him in the face.</div>
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“Put some clothes on, you hippie!” shouted Mrs. Pearson from the yard next door. She had the garden hose aimed right at him with the sprayer on the highest setting.</div>
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Randy made up his mind as he ran back to the house.</div>
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The next six weeks of ninja training were grueling. Randy had never worked so hard in his life, but he learned all sorts of neat tricks, like how to become shadows and how to throw ninja stars and how to do a triple backflip and rip a person’s heart out with your bare hands (to be fair, Randy never actually did all of those, but he understood the diagrams and was confident in his ability to pull them off when needed). It was tough, because Randy had to give up a lot of his favorite TV shows for the class, but he knew it would be worth it in the end. After all, he could always watch the reruns of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Downton Abbey</i> later.</div>
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Finally, the big day came when Randy finished the class and received a certificate of completion signed by the instructor, Mr. Schmidt. Randy couldn’t have been more proud as he hung the framed certificate above the toilet. Sparky watched him do it and barked twice as they both took a step back to admire it.</div>
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“Thanks Sparky,” said Randy, a little teary-eyed. “You know, this is all for you, and it’s totally worth it. Now let’s get us some carrots!”</div>
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This time, instead of going out in midday, Randy waited until dark. Thanks to his ninja class, he realized that was probably his biggest mistake in the past. He also learned a few other tricks, such as wearing dark clothes instead of neon green, choosing his path wisely instead of running through the rose bushes and setting his cell phone to vibrate. Before venturing out, Randy wrapped himself in his ninja clothes and looked over his figure in the mirror. Why, he made a dashing ninja if he said so himself!</div>
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“Wish me luck, pal,” he said to Sparky as he grabbed his nunchucks and disappeared out the door (Sparky let out only a subtle yap so as to preserve Randy’s element of surprise).</div>
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Randy’s heart was racing as he darted across his lawn. He didn’t stop moving until he was hidden within the shadow of the big elm tree that separated the two yards. For a moment, he felt he was in over his head and thought about turning back, but one thought of Sparky restored his resolution. He hadn’t gone through all that work for nothing. Randy was a ninja now, and ninjas have to do these kinds of things. He took a deep breath and ran over the property line into Mrs. Pearson’s territory.</div>
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The garden was in sight, but Randy knew better than to cut across the open yard. Instead, he darted over to the edge of the house and stood in the shadow of the chimney, then ran for cover under the oversized birdbath, then to the line of rose bushes that only pricked him a few times. Finally, after a few more jumps between Mrs. Pearson’s lawn ornaments, Randy found himself in the middle of her vegetable garden looking down at a row of carrot tops sticking out of the ground. He had never gotten this far before! He did it!</div>
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Randy had never felt such an adrenaline rush. He let out a “Wahoo!” but quickly quieted down before giving away his position. Reminding himself that he wasn’t done yet, he knelt down, grabbed the tallest carrot top within reach and pulled as hard as he could. A few seconds later, the earth gave and the veggies tore through the ground, causing Randy to fall backwards. As he lay there, completely elated, he held up his prize in the moonlight. It was at that moment he noticed something was wrong: instead of long, thin orange carrots, he saw stubby dark round bulbs at the end of the greens he was holding.</div>
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“Why, these are the funniest carrots I’ve ever seen,” he said out loud.</div>
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“That’s because I don’t grow carrots. I grow beets,” said Mrs. Pearson from her back door, just before she turned on the garden hose.<br />
<br />
And so, Randy learned the hard way that a six week course at an adult education center just doesn’t give you the same training as a two-year intensive program from an accredited college.</div>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-54959341137520961552012-02-07T04:30:00.000-08:002012-02-09T00:46:46.769-08:00The Centennial<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><div style="text-align: right;"></div><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dUa0Wwru8Ic/TzDLBDbRnQI/AAAAAAAAAmo/jmMs-aR0jVo/s1600/100.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dUa0Wwru8Ic/TzDLBDbRnQI/AAAAAAAAAmo/jmMs-aR0jVo/s200/100.jpg" width="200" /></a><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Today marks my 100<sup>th</sup> daily story! It's been great to watch my pageviews rise and I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to check out this blog. Setting a goal to write something every day has certainly kept me from feeling lazy, but it has also been time consuming and a little stressful (especially when I’m banging my head against my desk at one in the morning trying to think of a subject). I’d like to devote more time to work on longer and more refined pieces for submissions, so I’m going to start cutting back my blog updates to 2-3 posts a week. Thanks for reading! —Martin</i></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> Lily walked into her apartment carrying a paper bag full of groceries. Her roommate Marla sat on the couch, flipping through a fashion magazine.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> “Hey Marla,” said Lily as she set the groceries on the kitchen counter. “Do you remember what today is?”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> Marla perked an eyebrow and scanned her memory, then her face lit up and she jumped off the sofa.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> “Oh my god, I can’t believe I almost forgot!” Marla bounced up and down. “It’s the one hundredth anniversary of Franz Reichelt’s death!”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> Without another word, she pushed past Lily and ran into the kitchen. Then she flung open the refrigerator door and began digging through the food inside. A few carrots and grapes fell out and rolled across the floor, but Marla paid no attention to them. Finally, she reemerged with a bottle of champagne.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> “I bought this a year ago and I’ve been saving it just for today.” She struggled to twist the cork.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> Lily watched her from across the room. “Actually Marla—“</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> The cork popped and ricocheted off the ceiling. Lily ducked to avoid being hit. Bubbly champagne foamed out of the bottle and spilled onto the floor.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> “Hurry up and get some glasses!” shouted Marla.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> In a panic, Lily grabbed two wine glasses out of the cupboard and shoved them under the pouring bottle. When the glasses were full, Marla took one and held it high for a toast.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> “To the memory of Franz Reichelt, the Flying Tailor! Your peers said it couldn’t be done, but you bravely stood up to them and invented the world’s first parachute suit. Nobody else believed a coat could turn into a parachute, but you sure showed them. We’ll always remember you, Monsieur Reichelt, and the innovative thinking you brought into the world.”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> The two women sipped their drinks.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> “Is there anything you want to add, Lily?” Marla looked as if she could cry.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> “Well,” said Lily, “I just have to say I never heard of this guy and I only wanted to remind you that we have to take the garbage out tonight.”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> “Oh,” said Marla. She scanned her memory again. “Come to think of it, the anniversary of Franz Reichelt’s death was last week. Oh well.” She finished the rest of her champagne in one long gulp and tossed the glass in the sink.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> Lily looked at the mess in the kitchen and sighed. “So this Franz guy invented a parachute suit one hundred years ago? And it worked?”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> “Kind of,” said Marla “He fell to his death from the Eiffel Tower trying to test it. There’s actual newsreel footage of his fall on Youtube and it shows the police measuring the crater he left in the ground. Wanna watch it?”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> The video went viral that night.</div><br />
<center> <iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/FBN3xfGrx_U" width="420"></iframe><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><center><i>Text translation:</i></center><center><i>As if he sensed the horrible fate that awaited him,</i></center><center><i>the unfortunate inventor hesitated before making his jump.</i></center></div></center>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-84705440652138683122012-02-06T20:16:00.000-08:002012-02-06T20:16:36.420-08:00Art Class<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9ItqIPzziQc/TzClntX2ROI/AAAAAAAAAmg/nZNfP0RaT_g/s1600/crafts.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="171" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9ItqIPzziQc/TzClntX2ROI/AAAAAAAAAmg/nZNfP0RaT_g/s200/crafts.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
Mrs. Duncan rang
her little bell to get the students’ attention. The class of second graders
stopped working on their art projects and looked up. The entire room seemed to
be a mess of paint and glue and scraps of paper.</div>
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“Okay class,” she
said, walking in front of the chalkboard. “It’s almost time for lunch, but I’m
very curious to see what kind of art you’ve been able to make out of recycled
materials. Does anyone want to go first?”</div>
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Timmy raised his
hand. “I do, Mrs. Duncan. I used a bunch of old popsicle sticks to build a birdhouse.”
He held up a very lopsided and sticky-looking box with a hole in one side.</div>
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“Why that’s very
nice, Timmy,” said Mrs. Duncan. “And you kept those popsicle sticks from ending
up in the trash. Does anyone else what to share what they recycled?”</div>
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Regina raised her
hand next. “I painted an old soup can and turned it into a pencil holder.” She
held up her purple and pink can, which contained a few loose pencils.</div>
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“Lovely, Regina.”
Mrs. Duncan smiled. “You did a nice job reducing waste. Who’s next?”</div>
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“Oh, pick me,”
Robbie shot his hand into the air.</div>
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“Very well,
Robbie,” she said. “What did you make?”</div>
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“I built a car
that runs on macaroni. See?”</div>
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Robbie lifted up
his creation, which looked like a small car made from egg cartons, tape, pipe
cleaners and a few pieces of trash. He set the car on the ground, grabbed a
handful of macaroni from a tub on his desk and poured it into a hole in the
car’s hood. Within seconds, a small whirring sound started and the car began to
putter. Then a puff of black smoke shot out of the back and the car took off,
speeding between the desks and out the door. The students rushed to follow it
and watched as it ran down the long school hallway until it was so far that
nobody could see it anymore. Only a streak of smoke was left behind.</div>
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“Back to your
seats, everyone.” Mrs. Duncan rang her little bell again. She waited until
everyone was seated before continuing. “That’s a nice try, Robbie, but there’s
no way the EPA would approve of a machine with emissions like that. Who’s next?”</div>
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Mrs. Duncan’s
comment made Robbie a little sad, but he did have to admit that the exhaust
system on his car could have benefitted from a carbon monoxide filter or particle
abatement device. He thought about building one out of cardboard, but he became
distracted and forgot about it when Mandy showed the toy catapult she made from
pencils and rubber bands. That was pretty cool.</div>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-2225063003976050352012-02-05T16:46:00.001-08:002012-02-05T16:50:50.024-08:00Super Sunday<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qRemrfHM3qw/Ty8j15jACFI/AAAAAAAAAmY/vpT_Q7ez9Jg/s1600/football.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="190" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qRemrfHM3qw/Ty8j15jACFI/AAAAAAAAAmY/vpT_Q7ez9Jg/s200/football.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
“Thanks for
inviting me, guys.” Larry walked in carrying a case of beer. “I didn’t know
anyone else having a superbowl party.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Don’t mention
it.” Ben helped him with the beer. “We’re happy to have company. My brother and
I do this every year.”</div>
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“That’s right,”
said Justin. “Ben and I have never missed a superbowl, even as kids. Speaking
of which, I think it’s about to start.”</div>
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The three men
rushed to the living room and took seats in front of the TV, which showed a
very expensive Chevy commercial. Larry passed out beers and Justin turned up
the volume. When the ad ended, the game came on and announcers prepared for the
kickoff.</div>
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“Okay, time for a
bathroom break,” said Ben, jumping up.</div>
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“I’m going to
check the weather forecast,” said Justin, changing the station.</div>
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Larry almost
dropped his beer. “What are you guys doing? The game is just starting!”</div>
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“Oh we’re not
really into sports,” said Justin. “But the commercials are awesome.”</div>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-77153547935839183392012-02-04T13:53:00.001-08:002012-02-04T14:06:25.777-08:00Stuart's Dragon<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SOnJJpL41yI/Ty2qGB92xFI/AAAAAAAAAmQ/mWiE2rWTL8Y/s1600/dragon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SOnJJpL41yI/Ty2qGB92xFI/AAAAAAAAAmQ/mWiE2rWTL8Y/s200/dragon.jpg" width="183" /></a></div>
There once was a
boy named Stuart who wanted a pet dragon more than anything in the world. He
begged and begged his parents to give him one for his birthday, but all he got
was a stuffed dragon toy instead. Stuart was sad when he saw the toy because he
was old enough to know the difference between a toy and a real live dragon. He
thought his parents were making fun of him.</div>
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Stuart’s mom saw
how sad he was, so she sat down with him and explained that real dragons were
very hard to come by. She said that even if they could find one, it would be
too expensive to buy and they probably wouldn’t be allowed to keep it—just like
the man on the news who got in trouble for having an illegal pet monkey. There
were lots of laws about exotic animals, and dragons were definitely exotic.</div>
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Stuart felt
better after talking with his mom. He still wanted a pet dragon, but he
realized that if he was going to get one, he’d have to take matters into his
own hands. If his family couldn’t buy a live dragon, then he’d have to make one
out of a dog.</div>
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One sunny afternoon,
Stuart went to work. He carried all of his craft supplies out to the backyard,
then whistled as loud as he could. Seconds later, Snickers, the family golden
retriever, came running around the corner. If you’ve ever had a golden
retriever, then you know they love attention and are always ready to play.
Today was no exception; Snickers couldn’t be happier than to let Stuart turn
him into a dragon.</div>
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Stuart started by
cutting big triangles out of cardboard and painting them green. With a little string,
he was able to prop them up in a line down Snickers’ back. Then he used his
crayons to draw lots and lots of scales on pieces of construction paper that he
taped to Snickers’ side. He also cut out a dragon mask that he drew and used a
rubber band to keep it on Snickers’ head (making sure, of course, that Snickers
could still see and breathe easily). After adding some decorations of
popsicle sticks, pipe cleaners, glitter and a few other supplies he found
around the house, Stuart finally took a step back to admire his work. Snickers
wagged his tail rapidly and let out a bark of approval.</div>
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“I agree,” said
Stuart. “You make a fine dragon if I ever saw one.”</div>
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Stuart was so
happy to finally have a dragon! He was also anxious to show him off to the neighborhood.
Grabbing Snickers’ leash, which made the dragon very excited, he took his new
pet for a walk through the park.</div>
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The dragon sure
drew a lot of attention that day. Parents pointed and little kids stood in awe
as he marched through the playground. Both Stuart and Snickers were so proud, they
walked back and forth across the park four times just to make sure everyone saw
them. It was all going well until the fourth lap when they ran into
Chad Wilson, the big third<sup></sup> grade bully.</div>
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Chad wasn’t
alone. His sidekicks Steve Campbell and Ronald Jackson stood on either side of
him. The three of them were the meanest and toughest kids in school, and it was
usually best to steer clear of them. Today, however, Stuart didn’t have a
choice because once the bullies saw him with his dragon, they cut across the playground to block his path.</div>
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“What happened to
your dog?” asked Chad as he walked around Snickers.</div>
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“He’s not a dog,
he’s a dragon!” said Stuart.</div>
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Steve burst out
laughing. “Oh, the baby has a dragon!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Ronald pretended
to be afraid. “I hope your dragon doesn’t eat us, baby!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“You’d better be nice to me and my dragon,”
said Stuart, “Or he’ll breathe fire on you!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
The bullies just
laughed more when they heard this. Snickers didn’t like that at all, and he let
out a bark of disapproval.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Oh no,” said
Steve. “The baby’s dragon is sad!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Stuart clenched
his fists. “I’m warning you!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Chad walked right
up to Snickers and ripped one of the pages of scale drawings off of his side. Then
he crumbled it up and threw it on the ground.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“I think we need
to teach you some respect,” said Chad, punching one fist into the other.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Stuart and
Snickers took a step back as the bullies moved closer. Just before they were
within arm’s reach, Snickers let out another bark and a giant fireball shot out
of him. The flame was so close to Chad Wilson that it singed his eyebrows. The
three bullies froze in shock, then turned around and ran out of the park as
fast as they could.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Snickers let out
a happy yap and wagged his tail again as he looked up at Stuart.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Good boy,” said Stuart. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
He sure was glad
he added the flamethrower to Snickers’ costume.</div>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-84833496047407080302012-02-03T19:33:00.001-08:002012-02-03T19:40:50.480-08:00California Girl<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</div>
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“It’s so good to
see you!” Gretta ran up and hugged her big sister the second she walked through the
door. “I feel like you haven’t visited in ages.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Julie smiled as
she hugged her back. “I know, it’s been too long. I wish I could make it up to
Portland more often.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Gretta released her embrace and took a step
back to look Julie over. “You look great! Your hair is so long and vibrant, and
I love that outfit.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Julie blushed. “Thanks
sis. You’re looking good, too. I love your bangs.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“You’re sweet,”
said Gretta. “But I’ll never have your beautiful olive skin. The Bakersfield
sun has really treated you well. Portland is just too cloudy to get a tan like that.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Julie held her arm
up in the light and examined it. “Tan? Bakersfield sun? Um… right. Thanks. It
looks like you redecorated. Can I have a tour of the house?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
And so Julie
quickly changed the subject. Gretta had never been to Bakersfield, so she had
no idea what the pollution did to your skin.</div>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-45887242848704628032012-02-02T15:02:00.000-08:002012-09-24T21:20:47.367-07:00Going Green<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kjAun6JaCXs/TysW3B8-2nI/AAAAAAAAAmA/J_VEEF4lhwE/s1600/clean_earth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kjAun6JaCXs/TysW3B8-2nI/AAAAAAAAAmA/J_VEEF4lhwE/s200/clean_earth.jpg" width="185" /></a></div>
Jenny sat on her
porch and checked her watch again. If Harold didn’t show up soon, they were
going to miss the beginning of the movie. Just as she was about to text him,
she heard the sound of his cranky old pickup from down the road. Sure enough,
the truck roared into view and screeched to a stop in front of her house</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“So sorry I’m
late,” said Harold, jumping out of the driver’s seat. “But I had a good reason.
I’ve been making my life greener and I’m saving the planet.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“You? Green?” Jenny
stood with her arms crossed. She had learned to take his excuses with a grain
of salt.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Absolutely,” he
said. “I read an article about how much electricity you save with those
spirally CFL bulbs, so I spent all afternoon replacing every light in my house.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Really?” Jenny
uncrossed her arms. “Didn’t you stock up on a huge supply of the old-style
light bulbs last year because you got such a great deal by buying them in bulk?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Yep. Had a few
hundred of them.” Harold walked to the back of his truck and pulled a large
empty cardboard box out of the bed. “Not
anymore, though. I got rid of them all and I’ve switched completely to
eco-friendly illumination. I know it cost me a pretty penny, but it’s worth it
for a cleaner planet. You always wanted me to be more environmentally conscious,
right?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Jenny couldn’t
help smiling as she walked over and gave him a hug. “I’m so proud of you,
Harold. That’s a big step.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Thanks.” He
hugged her back. “I know it’s worth it. And I would have been here sooner, but I
had to make sure I disposed of the old bulbs properly. They’re now on their way
back to the earth, where they came from in the first place.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“So you drove all
the way to the recycling center?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Nah, they’re
just the middleman,” he said.” I dumped them in the river.”</div>
Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-27959368838120814752012-02-01T04:30:00.000-08:002012-02-01T04:30:00.726-08:00Mind Over Matter<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JhiwSlPBX88/Tyj2Yw4JXGI/AAAAAAAAAl4/iAxREv_jT_g/s1600/vicegrip.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JhiwSlPBX88/Tyj2Yw4JXGI/AAAAAAAAAl4/iAxREv_jT_g/s200/vicegrip.jpg" width="179" /></a></div>
Jodi carried a
steaming cup of coffee into the chilly garage. David stood at his workbench,
cutting a piece of wood with a power saw. She waited until he turned it off
before approaching.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Hey there,” she
said, sliding up next to him. “How’s it coming?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Slow, but steady.”
David held up the half-finished project for her to see.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Wow, I’m
impressed. I never had a boyfriend who knew how to build a birdhouse from
scratch before. You’re just full of surprises. By the way, this is for you.”
She held out the cup of coffee. “I figured you might be getting cold out here.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
David smiled and
reached for the cup. Just before he took it, Jodi sneezed, causing the hot
liquid to spill over his hand.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Oh no! I’m so
sorry!” She quickly grabbed a shop towel and began to sop up the mess. “That
was really hot water. Do you have any burn spray?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“No, but don’t
worry about it,” said David. “I’m fine.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Jodi looked at him
as if he were crazy. “Fine? That water was boiling a minute ago. You’re hand
must be in horrible pain right now. How can you bear it?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
He smiled and gave
her a calming look. “Pain is all in your head, Jodi. I’ve spent many years
practicing meditation and learning to control my inner thoughts. Over time, I’ve
developed the ability to channel away pain so that it no longer dominates my mind.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“For real?” Jodi
stroked his scalded hand, now bright red. “You mean you don’t feel the burn at
all?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
David didn’t even
flinch. “Not one bit.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
She let go of his
hand and moved closer, wrapping her arms around his waist “David, that’s the
most amazing thing I ever heard! I can’t believe how incredible you are. Is
there nothing you can’t do—wait a minute, did you just clamp your other hand in
that vice grip?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
David looked where she was staring. “Oh, that? Well… yes. You see, the best way to block pain
out from your mind is to create a bigger pain that is even more distracting.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
She thought about
this. “You mean, you stuck that hand in the vice grip so you wouldn’t feel the
burn… because the vice grip hurts more?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
David nodded.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“David, that’s
insane!” She broke her embrace and tried to open the grip, but it was clamped
too tight. “Your hand is turning purple! How are you supposed to ignore that?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Don’t worry,” he
said. “I’ve got it.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
She backed away
as he picked up a large hammer. Without another word, he held it upside down
and let it drop—right onto his foot.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Ow!” David
yelped. With his hand still stuck in the vice, he began leaping on his good
foot. “There, you see? I don’t even feel the vice grip anymore.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“But now your foot
is probably broken!” She stared helplessly. “How can you stand it?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“It’s not a
problem,” he said. “Just hurry up and kick me in the groin!”</div>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-85022347431859870992012-01-31T04:30:00.000-08:002012-01-31T04:30:01.850-08:00Showdown<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-t5cffR_qqGo/TyeYOrNws7I/AAAAAAAAAlw/sdh0P2_GmpQ/s1600/cowboy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-t5cffR_qqGo/TyeYOrNws7I/AAAAAAAAAlw/sdh0P2_GmpQ/s200/cowboy.jpg" width="167" /></a></div>
Buckshot Bill
McCoy rode into town on his black horse at high noon. Most of the townspeople
didn’t even notice him until he reached the Marysville town square. He stopped
in the middle of the road and just sat there with the brim of his hat tilted
down to cover his face. Lifting his head ever so slightly, he scanned the scene
without any visible movement. In a flash, his eyes darted back and forth twice,
and that was all he needed. Bill McCoy had traveled to enough dingy towns to know
what to look for quickly.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
To the left, a
blacksmith hammered horseshoes. Next to him, a local shop owner arranged a display of fancy-looking ceramic plates. On the right side, a
preacher man stood on a barrel in front of a saloon and lectured a small
audience, which included the unconscious town drunk. Straight ahead was the
Marysville jail. The man sitting on the front porch was clearly a deputy, not
the sheriff. The sheriff would have taken notice of a stranger who just rode up
the street; the man on the front porch didn’t even look in his direction. That
was good for Bill McCoy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
The town of
Marysville looked just like the other twenty small Texas towns Bill McCoy had
visited, with one big difference: the man crossing the street between the
saloon and the jail. He had a curly white mustache, round spectacles, wore a
clean suit and walked with a long silver cane. The cane is what gave him
away. Bill McCoy remembered that cane from the first time he saw it. That was many
years ago, on the day this man ruined his life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Bill McCoy
remembered that day well. He remembered the tears, the screaming. He remembered the hardships
that followed. He remembered growing up tough and learning to fend for himself.
He remembered working hard for a few morsels of food, and spending all his free
time learning to shoot—learning to kill. Bill McCoy practiced shooting for many years to
become the fastest shot this side of the Mississippi—he hadn't earned the nickname "Buckshot" for nothing—and it was all for this
moment. He had waited for this day ever since his family lost their farm,
and now he was finally going to get his revenge.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Bill McCoy moved
his horse to the side of the road. In one smooth move, he dismounted and tossed the reigns around a post. He didn’t need to worry about tying up properly because he wasn’t planning on staying long. Depending on how that
deputy reacted, he may need a fast getaway. But getting out alive wasn’t Bill
McCoy’s top priority. Revenge came first, at any cost.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
The timing was
perfect. Bill McCoy walked up the street and intercepted the man
with the silver cane when he turned to cross the square. He couldn’t have planned it better;
it was as if fate brought him to this exact place and time. When Bill McCoy faced the
man, standing directly in his path about ten paces ahead, he held his ground
and threw back his cloak, showing the two shiny revolvers hanging from his
belt. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
The man with the cane
saw him and also stopped. They stood facing each other in silence for half a
minute. The man
looked at Bill McCoy quizzically, as though he struggled to place his face. Bill McCoy looked back at the man hard, his eyes filled with hate. Only then did the townspeople take notice. They didn’t know the stranger with the guns, but they knew he was trouble. Within seconds, the streets were cleared.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Doc Larson!”
shouted Bill McCoy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Yes, that’s me,”
said the man with the cane. He squinted through his spectacles. “Do I know you?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Bill McCoy spat
on the ground. He spent many sleepless nights imagining what he’d say at this moment, but none of
the speeches he prepared seemed appropriate. Instead, he just said the words as
they came into his head.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“’I’ve been
lookin’ for you a long time, Doc Larson. You took my family’s farm, took my
folks’ money, took everything we had. You ruined my life, and now—“</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Why, little
William McCoy? Is that you?” Doc Larson took a step forward for a better look.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Sure is, Doc.”
Bill McCoy spat again. “Now it’s your turn—“</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“William McCoy!”
Doc Larson ran over to embrace him. “I’ve been searching for you for years!
Yes, you’re right, I did take your family’s farm and everything you owned. It
was a horrible mistake, but I’ve seen the error of my greedy ways and want to
make amends. I’ve been carrying this deed around with me for years, and it’s
made out to the McCoy family. I’d like give you a bigger farm than you’ve ever
owned, and I’m happy to help you out financially in any way I can.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Doc Larson pulled
a deed out of his pocket and showed it to Bill McCoy. Sure enough, it was made
out to his name.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Well, how about
that?” said Bill McCoy, looking over the paperwork. “That sure is swell of you.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
And the plot
thinned…</div>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-1788936240958991942012-01-30T04:22:00.000-08:002012-01-30T04:22:07.836-08:00Acupuncture<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Nk_TeZWpHrs/TyaLXbehT7I/AAAAAAAAAlo/Np-cKto01KY/s1600/yinyang.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Nk_TeZWpHrs/TyaLXbehT7I/AAAAAAAAAlo/Np-cKto01KY/s200/yinyang.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Elaine put on
some soothing music, then sat on a rolling chair next to her patient. Victor
had removed his shirt and socks and laid face-up on her table. He twitched when
she felt his pulse.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I take it this
is the first time you’ve tried acupuncture?” she asked.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Victor nodded
quickly. “Yes, but I’m ready for it. My brother has tried it and he told
me what to expect.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Elaine smiled. “Don’t
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Thanks.” Victor
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blood go?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I beg your
pardon?” said Elaine. “What blood?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Victor lifted his
head to look at her. “Why, all the blood you’ll be draining out of me, of
course.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Elaine looked
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the skin. There won’t be any blood at all.”</div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Victor looked surprise, but also relieved. “Oh…
Okay. I guess that’s a little different than I thought. Well, if you could let
me know before you insert any needles then I’d appreciate it. I really want to
brace myself for the pain.”</div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Elaine smiled
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He titled his
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“So… you don’t
use a hammer?” he asked.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Heavens, no!”
Elaine quickly finished his other leg and moved up to his left arm. “Victor, do
you think it’s possible your brother was having a little fun with you when he
told you about his acupuncture experience?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Victor lowered
his head back down onto the soft pillow. “That’s not like him, although he did
tell me his parakeet was poisonous and that my skin would melt if it bit me. I
ended up calling poison control when it nibbled my finger, but they just
laughed. And he once made me believe our parents had been replaced by aliens. He
convinced me they would sneak into my room and eat my brain if I fell asleep.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Elaine let out a
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Oh, no,” said
Victor. “This was all last week. By the way, could you give me a warning before
you remove my spleen?”</div>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-17125371655876163462012-01-29T03:03:00.000-08:002012-01-29T03:03:54.297-08:00Stereotypes<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-p4_8Qrfr7c0/TyUnkk3cppI/AAAAAAAAAlg/gHgov-__j8A/s1600/fast_car.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="101" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-p4_8Qrfr7c0/TyUnkk3cppI/AAAAAAAAAlg/gHgov-__j8A/s200/fast_car.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Fine, I’ll pay
for a new one!” Joan slammed her phone shut and looked out the passenger
window.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Is everything
okay?” asked Trevor from the driver’s seat.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Joan sighed. “I
borrowed a sweater from my friend Alice and now she says she can’t wear it because
it smells like our side of town. You know, I hate to stereotype, but it seems
like people from Abbyville are very pretentious.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I have to agree,”
said Gary from the back seat. “And while we’re at it, I think everyone who
lives on Jackson Hill is a hick. How many old pickup trucks are jacked-up on lawns
there?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“No kidding.” Trevor
looked at Gary in the rearview mirror. “And I’ll add that anyone raised in
Lewisburg is a lousy driver.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Wait,” said
Joan. “Aren’t you from Lewisburg?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Yep,” said
Trevor, as he cut-off the car in the next lane. </div>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-31773398083127914722012-01-28T04:30:00.000-08:002012-01-28T13:25:00.073-08:00Job Security<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-K7mkkQqAVpg/TyOsz2nE87I/AAAAAAAAAlY/W4lFTmKPyAc/s1600/office.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-K7mkkQqAVpg/TyOsz2nE87I/AAAAAAAAAlY/W4lFTmKPyAc/s200/office.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Brad stood on the
tips of his toes, but he still couldn’t reach the ream of paper he needed from
the top shelf. He finally gave up and looked around the busy office until he
found tall Will standing by the water cooler.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Hey Stretch,”
said Brad. “How about a little help?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Will smiled and
followed Brad back to the office supplies, ducking to avoid hitting his head when
he passed through the doorway. He snatched the pack of paper off the shelf
without effort.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Thanks buddy.” Brad ripped open the ream and
began reloading a printer. “It sure is a scary with all the layoffs
happening around here lately, huh?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Will shrugged. “I
guess so.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Marcie poked her
head up from behind a nearby cubicle. “Pssst! Do you guys have any idea who’s
next? I think it might be Cheryl from accounting because she’s totally useless. By the
way Will, could you hand me another stapler? I’ve lost mine and they’re way out
of my reach.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“No problem.”
Will plucked a stapler off the supply shelf and passed it to her.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Cheryl, eh?”
said Brad. “She is pretty useless, but I haven’t heard Mr. Jameson call her
into his office yet. It seems like every time he meets with someone to discuss
their job responsibilities, they end up getting the axe.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
No sooner did he
say the words than Mr. Jameson walked into the room. Brad returned his
attention to the printer, Marcie’s head disappeared behind her cubicle and
everyone else began looking very busy—everyone except Will, that is. He stood
with his hands in his pockets and smiled at the boss.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Mr. Jameson
stopped in front of him and scanned the room. “Good afternoon, everybody.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Good afternoon
sir,” said several scattered voices.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Ah, Will,” said
Mr. Jameson, looking up. “Would you mind stopping by my office later to change a
light bulb? I’m sorry to bother you with it again, but it’s such a hassle for
the janitor to haul his ladder up here.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Certainly, sir,”
said Will. “I could do it right now if you like.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“No, I’m afraid I
have a couple meetings now. How about after lunch?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“No problem,
sir.”</div>
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“Excellent.” Mr.
Jameson looked around again. “In that case, I’d like to see you, Brad, in my
office in five minutes to go over your job evaluation.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Brad’s face
dropped. “Uh… yes, sir.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Good, good.” Mr.
Jameson started to walk away, then stopped and looked back. “And Marcie, could
you meet me in about twenty minutes? I’d like to talk to you about your job as
well.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Marcie, who poked
her head up when she heard Brad’s name, nodded and sank back behind her wall as
Mr. Jameson walked away. The rest of the office employees let out a sigh of
relief.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
As soon as he
felt everyone was out of sight, Will went to work grabbing random pieces of
office equipment and moving them up to the highest shelves. He also loosened a
couple more bulbs in the breakroom and conference room. Then he returned to his
desk, confident in his job security.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</div>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-50683271849844386392012-01-27T04:30:00.000-08:002012-01-27T04:30:04.983-08:00Flirt<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</div>
<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin-bottom: 12pt;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--qLX0_oOveo/TyJsN4bLqiI/AAAAAAAAAlQ/IJyTP9DV6v4/s1600/pub.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--qLX0_oOveo/TyJsN4bLqiI/AAAAAAAAAlQ/IJyTP9DV6v4/s200/pub.jpg" width="151" /></a></div>
“Another round, guys?”<br />
“Bring ‘em on!” Malcolm pushed his empty glass toward
the bartender and she took it away.<br />
“This has to be the last one,” said Tom. “I have to
work tomorrow.”<br />
“Sure, sure,” Malcolm said, patting him on the back.
“I’m just glad I got you out of the house. I haven’t seen you much since the
breakup.”<br />
Tom sighed.<br />
Malcolm leaned forward and looked him in the eye.
“Look buddy, I know this is hard for you, but you need to get past her. It’s
been four months and it’s time for you to move on.”<br />
“That’s easy for you to say,” said Tom, pushing him back.
“I’m not as outgoing as you and I never dated much. I don’t know how to flirt
with women. It doesn’t matter anyway, since I’m not even attracted to anyone
right now.”<br />
“What about the cute bartender?” Malcolm nodded toward
her over Tom’s shoulder.<br />
Tom gave her a quick glance. “Why her?”<br />
“Because you’ve been looking at her all night.”<br />
Tom blushed. He didn’t think Malcolm had noticed. “I
don’t know, Mal,” he said. “I wouldn’t even know how to approach her. I’d
probably get nervous and say something stupid.”<br />
Malcolm put his hand on his friend’s shoulder and
leaned in close. “Tom, you’re a great guy. You’re smart, handsome and
incredibly nice. She'd be crazy not to like you. Start by telling her she’s
pretty and just be yourself. Crack a joke. What have you got to lose?”<br />
Tom didn’t say a word. He kept his eyes down and
played with a coaster on the bar.<br />
“Think of it this way, Tom,” Malcolm said. “Do you
want to leave here tonight wondering what could have happened if you just took
a chance? Do you want to walk away never knowing if she was the love of your
life?”<br />
Those words struck a nerve with Tom, and Malcolm could
tell from the look in his eyes. When the bartender returned with two more
mojitos, Malcolm slid to the side and gave Tom a subtle kick.<br />
Tom took a deep breath, then looked up at the
bartender. Their eyes met.<br />
“Can I get you anything else?” she asked him.<br />
Tom’s felt his heart pounding. “I just wanted to tell
you… you’re very pretty.”<br />
“Sure,” she said with a playful smirk. “That’s easy
for you to say. You’ve had four drinks.”<br />
“No, no,” said Tom. “I thought you were pretty
after only two drinks.”<br />
<br />
“Maybe next time, buddy,” said Malcolm, as he walked
Tom home.</div>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-8106701457442787932012-01-26T04:30:00.000-08:002012-01-26T04:30:01.524-08:00Sometimes You Need a Yoda<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zUvRAgzWUrg/Tx-hRP75uEI/AAAAAAAAAlE/yTb6SyLUTKQ/s1600/tissue.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="163" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zUvRAgzWUrg/Tx-hRP75uEI/AAAAAAAAAlE/yTb6SyLUTKQ/s200/tissue.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
Teri let out a
loud wail and buried her face in a tissue.</div>
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“There, there,”
said Christine, patting her crying friend on the back. “It’s going to be okay.”</div>
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Teri lifted up
her head, still sobbing. “Why did I ever fall for him? I knew he was a bad
guy.”</div>
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Christine handed
her another tissue. “You fell for him <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">because</i>
he was bad. We girls are just attracted to ruffians. Remember how Princess Leia
couldn’t help falling for Han Solo, even though he was a reckless mercenary
with a price on his head?”</div>
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Teri blew her
nose into the tissue. “I just don’t understand how he could leave me so fast.
We were going to finish school together, and now he’s moving to Utah to be with
that floozy he met on spring break.”</div>
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Christine shook
her head. “Just like when Luke abandoned Yoda and his Jedi training to be with
his friends. It really shows what was most important to him.”</div>
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“I just can’t
believe it.” Teri dropped her head onto her friend’s shoulder. “It’s like he
was powerless to her… and I just stood by when she made him dump me!” She began
to cry again.</div>
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Christine put her
arm around Teri. “I know, I know… it’s like you’re in that scene when Luke
thought he was ready to confront Darth Vader, but Vader cornered him and cut
off his hand, causing his lightsaber to fall deep into the bowels of Cloud
City.”</div>
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Teri stopped
crying for a moment and looked up at Christine. “Wait, who am I in that
scenario? Luke or Darth Vader?”</div>
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“Neither,” said
Christine. “You’re the lightsaber.”</div>
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Teri let out
another wail and began to sob again.</div>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-52560287407330796332012-01-25T05:00:00.000-08:002012-01-25T05:00:10.138-08:00Tact<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9vDXRT7Kaxw/Tx9us1kgy1I/AAAAAAAAAk0/qqwSPV6jS0c/s1600/empty_room.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="136" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9vDXRT7Kaxw/Tx9us1kgy1I/AAAAAAAAAk0/qqwSPV6jS0c/s200/empty_room.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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Amber stumbled through
the front door of her new suburban house with a cardboard box so big she
couldn’t see around it. She kicked the door closed behind her and dropped the
box in the middle of the living room. It blended well among dozens of similar
boxes.<br />
“There!” she said, wiping her hands on her worn out
jeans. “That’s the last one. Now we can start unpacking.”<br />
“Let’s take another look around, honey,” said Darren,
who was already wandering through the empty space. “We have all weekend to
unpack. Why don’t we explore our new home first?”<br />
Amber smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek as she
took his hand. They walked together through the dining room, the kitchen and
the laundry room before heading up the stairs.<br />
“I can’t believe the size of this house,” said Amber,
entering the master bedroom. “It must be twice as big as our old place on the
south side.”<br />
Darren nodded. “Two thousand square feet more. Perfect
for starting a family.” The comment earned him another kiss.<br />
Amber walked into the hallway to check the other
bedrooms. “I can’t wait to go shopping. We don’t have nearly enough furniture
to fill this space.”<br />
“I’m glad you brought that up, dear.” Darren pushed
ahead of her to enter the next doorway first. “Because I think we should
discuss what we want to do with this bedroom.”<br />
“I thought we already agreed it would be an office
space.” She walked around him to look in the closet.<br />
“Well yes, that was suggested,” Darren said. “But we
should consider all our options before we decide for sure.”<br />
Amber gave him a sideways glance. “What do you mean? I
need a home office to work.”<br />
“Of course you do, dear. I’m just saying, maybe
there’s something more important we can do here. For example, we could turn it
into a yoga room or a game room. Or maybe it could be used to showcase—I don’t
know—a collection… of sorts.”<br />
Audrey shook her head. “We don’t do yoga and we don’t
play many games. And we don’t collect anything.”<br />
“Well,” Darren said. “Suppose one of us started
collecting something.”<br />
“Like what? Stamps or coins? You don’t need a whole
room for that.”<br />
“No,” he agreed, “but maybe for something bigger,
like—well, just off the top of my head—swords.”<br />
Amber put her hands on her hips and stared him down.
“Why on earth would we collect swords?”<br />
Darren shrugged. “Who knows? We probably never would.
Except maybe one of us might be surfing the web one evening, very late at
night, and come across an article on sword collecting. And maybe that person—it
could be either one of us—might just start browsing Ebay for fun to see what
kind of deal he—or she—could get on a collectible 19th century Japanese katana
blade. And maybe, just maybe, that person might come across a bulk lot of
seemingly priceless swords that were ending in an auction in only thirty
seconds and that person realized he or she wouldn’t have time to check with his
or her spouse before bidding because it would mean missing the opportunity of a
lifetime—“<br />
“Just how many swords would be in this bulk lot?” She
crossed her arms and started tapping her foot.<br />
“Oh, I have no idea… since it’s all hypothetical.
Let’s say… one hundred.”<br />
“One hundred!” she repeated.<br />
“Or two hundred,” he said.<br />
“Two hundred!” she repeated.<br />
“Yes, three hundred.”<br />
Amber stopped repeating him. She also stopped tapping
her foot. Instead, she just stood there and gave him a glare that burned a hole
through his head. “If you’re about to tell me that you just bought three
hundred swords with our savings—“<br />
“What? No, no,” Darren said, shaking his head. “I
didn’t do that.”<br />
“You didn’t?”<br />
“Of course not! I would never buy three hundred swords
with our savings. They would be sharp and dangerous, and not suitable for a
house that will soon have an innocent little baby in it.”<br />
At those words, Amber’s heart softened and she moved
close to hug him, nuzzling her head in his shoulder.<br />
“You had me scared,” she said.<br />
“Honey, you should know me better than that. I would
never buy three hundred swords.” He patted her back. “I mean, imagine how
horrible that would be. Buying swords would be way worse than, say, buying
parrots.”<br />
She laughed at the thought. “Yeah, I guess so. Three
hundred parrots would be much better.”<br />
“I’m glad you agree,” he said, giving her a loving
squeeze.<br />
Before she could respond, the sound of a large truck
engine came through the window and grew louder until it was apparent the
vehicle parked right outside. When the engine cut off, an overwhelming squawking
noise took its place. Amber looked up at Darren, then darted to the window.<br />
<em>Yep</em>, Darren thought to himself, <em>I think I
handled that quite well.</em></div>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-29172553742105238332012-01-24T18:34:00.000-08:002012-01-31T00:02:56.960-08:00Art Critic<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--Nk_sCWe9-8/Tx9poWnRFGI/AAAAAAAAAkk/oPKAQ-3J6Xw/s1600/museum.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--Nk_sCWe9-8/Tx9poWnRFGI/AAAAAAAAAkk/oPKAQ-3J6Xw/s200/museum.jpg" width="127" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> Dietrich and Gertrude stared at the painted canvas in silence for a full two minutes. Other museum patrons weaved through them to move on to other exhibits.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> “Hmm,” said Dietrich, stroking his goatee with his thumb and forefinger. “What do you think?”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> Gertrude took a step back and tilted her head to one side, still studying the work. “I like how this piece combines the vivid, dreamlike atmosphere of surrealism with the collage aspects of dada.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> “Oh please!” Dietrich brushed her off with a wave of his hand. “You wouldn’t know surrealism if a rhinoceros slapped you with a fish.”</span>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-58209462859915096862012-01-23T18:23:00.000-08:002012-01-23T18:29:33.907-08:00The Direct Approach<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4qDp33O_o6k/Tx4XIM9RF3I/AAAAAAAAAkc/_6lUSbzNcfE/s1600/speaker.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4qDp33O_o6k/Tx4XIM9RF3I/AAAAAAAAAkc/_6lUSbzNcfE/s200/speaker.jpg" width="188" /></a></div>
“Hi Sheri,” said
Monica, walking in the open apartment door. “I’m returning your sweater.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Thanks. Just
throw it on the chair.” Sheri had her hands full carrying a large speaker
across the room.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Here, let me
help you.” Monica dropped the sweater on the chair and ran over to give her a
hand. “Where are you moving the stereo?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Right up against
the wall.” Sheri lowered the speaker to the floor and pushed it so that the
front of it faced the wall. “Come on. Let’s get the other one.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Monica followed
her. “Okay, but why there? Don’t you have neighbors in the next apartment?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Exactly.” Sheri crawled
under a table to disconnect the cables of the other speaker. “I can hear them
watching TV after I go to bed and it keeps me up at night. It’s so
inconsiderate! I’ve had enough of it and tonight I’m going to teach them a
lesson. They’re going to be hearing Justin Bieber until 2am.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“I see,” said
Monica, helping her coil the cables. “I can understand how being kept awake
must be frustrating for you, but are you sure this is the best approach?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Oh yeah.” Sheri stood up again. “I’ve been dealing with that television for weeks and
this is the only option I have left.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Well, I guess
you know what you’re doing.” Monica helped her hoist up the second speaker. “What
did they say when you talked to them about it?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Talk?” asked Sheri.
“Well I haven’t tried that.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“You haven’t?”
Monica stopped moving. “Sheri, that could save you a lot of trouble.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Nonsense.” Sheri
pushed Monica forward from her side. “My father taught me how to handle
situations like this. He always said words were a waste of time.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Monica let the
speaker drop to the ground. “Is this the same father you stopped talking to three
years ago because he posted drunk photos of you on Facebook when you forgot his
birthday?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Yeah, he’s such
a jerk,” said Sheri. “What’s your point?”</div>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-1868871574751539412012-01-22T13:51:00.000-08:002012-01-22T13:51:34.333-08:00The Candyland Prodigy<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-069DQLqyoWA/TxyED4Ka7ZI/AAAAAAAAAkU/39hN4tPTh1w/s1600/candyland.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="170" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-069DQLqyoWA/TxyED4Ka7ZI/AAAAAAAAAkU/39hN4tPTh1w/s200/candyland.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gary walked into
his favorite coffee shop and looked around for his friends. He found Trevor and
Joan sitting at a table on the other side of the room with a board game between
them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Hi guys. Hey, is
that Candyland?” Gary picked up one of the playing pieces and turned it over in
his hand. “Wow, I haven’t seen this game since I was a kid! I used to play it
every day in kindergarten.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Yeah,” said
Joan, slouching back in her chair. “That’s what Trevor said, but it’s not the
same for him now.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gary looked at
Trevor, who held his face in both of his hands. He looked upset.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Hey buddy,” Gary patted him on the back. “Are you okay?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trevor shook his
head. “I used to be so good. It was my <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">gift</i>.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gary leaned closer to Joan. “What’s he
talking about?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Joan sighed.
“Apparently, when Trevor was little, he was a Candyland champion. He was
undefeated and beat all the kids in his neighborhood. He hasn’t played in
twenty years, and until we found it today he thought he had a special skill for
the game.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Skill? Really?”
asked Gary. “Isn’t it just a matter of drawing cards and moving where they say?
I mean, you don’t actually have to think to play this game.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I was so good!”
Trevor lifted up his head and moaned. “My mom told me I had a special gift. No
matter how tough things were in life, I always told myself, ‘at least I can beat anybody at Candyland.’ It was all a lie. This game is 100% chance!”
He dropped his head back into his hands.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Um, Trevor,”
said Gary, kneeling down beside him. “You have lots of other talents. Just
because Candyland was a delusion doesn’t mean you aren’t good at other things.
You must have another skill, right?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trevor lifted his
head again and thought it over. “As a matter of fact, I do. Mom also told me I
was the king of Chutes and Ladders, and I kicked ass at Hungry Hungry Hippo. Do
you think we can find those games?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gary and Joan
looked at each other.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I don’t know how
to break this to you, Trevor,” said Joan, “but your day is about to get a lot
worse…”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-26764767802671628892012-01-21T19:36:00.001-08:002012-01-21T19:50:56.566-08:00Adorable<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Time for dinner, Beth!” shouted Thomas as he peeked his head into his sister’s room. “Quit twittering your friends.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“I’m not on Twitter, moron,” said Beth from her computer. “I’m feeding my hamster.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“What?” Thomas walked up behind her to look over her shoulder.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
On her computer screen, he saw an animated hamster in a digital cage. Beth was using her mouse to drop pellets of food in front of him. When she did, the hamster scurried over and nibbled on them, then lifted his head and looked out of the screen with big brown eyes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Isn’t he adorable?” she asked. “And watch this...”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Beth clicked on a metal exercise wheel in the cage. The hamster jumped on it and started running.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“You’ve gotta be kidding.” Thomas rolled his eyes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Beth touched the screen with her fingers and pretended to pet the digital rodent. “Aw, I just wish I could touch him for real. I’d cuddle him all day long!” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Um, sis… What about your real hamster?” Thomas pointed to a cage on the other side of the room, which contained a live hamster. “Jellybean looks a little neglected. He’s out of water and his habitat needs to be cleaned. And I think he wants some attention.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Beth gave a brief glance to Jellybean, who stood with his front legs pressed up against the wall of his cage. He squeaked softly.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Oh, he’s okay.” She waved him off and turned her attention back to the screen. “But how darling is this little guy? I think I’ll name him Mr. Peeps. O-M-G, Mr. Peeps is actually drinking water! That’s so cute!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Thomas shook his head and started to walk out of the room. “Dinner’s ready,” he said again, but Beth didn’t seem to care. She was busy making kissy faces to her computer.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Enjoy, but</i><i> don't forget about Jellybean. </i></div>
</div>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-10242087494850228652012-01-20T04:30:00.000-08:002012-01-20T04:30:01.740-08:00Entrepreneurs<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-J7V6hYWZWPY/Txjvy0w3SCI/AAAAAAAAAkE/vciXdq9uA4E/s1600/handshake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="109" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-J7V6hYWZWPY/Txjvy0w3SCI/AAAAAAAAAkE/vciXdq9uA4E/s200/handshake.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
“Okay Howard,”
said Jerry. “Tell me your business idea.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Well," said Howard, "It’s a
type of restaurant, but it will only serve coffee and espresso drinks.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Jerry scratched
his head. “I don’t get it. People can buy a hot cup of coffee at any diner, quickie
mart and fast food joint, along with a meal and other food. Why would someone
want to buy it from us?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Howard grinned. "Because we’re going to charge three dollars a cup.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
And they called
it Starbucks. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</div>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-65605102605241781062012-01-19T19:24:00.000-08:002012-01-19T19:31:02.775-08:00Thrillseekers<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mRU8gzJg8T0/TxjfV-Be3cI/AAAAAAAAAj8/BhTIp3r54Lo/s1600/planner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mRU8gzJg8T0/TxjfV-Be3cI/AAAAAAAAAj8/BhTIp3r54Lo/s200/planner.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
Erica texted on
her phone as she waited for Clark to meet her for lunch. She hoped he wouldn’t
be late today because she had to cut her break short for an afternoon meeting.
To save time, she already ordered food for both of them and munched on her
salad between texts. She was so absorbed, she didn’t even notice when Clark
rushed through the café door.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Hi dear. I hope
you weren’t waiting long.” He gave her a kiss on the cheek and took the seat
across from her.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“No problem,” she
said, finishing her text and closing her phone. “How was your day?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Busy as usual,” Clark
took a bite of his sandwich. “Looks like I’ll be working late again tonight.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Yeah, me too.”
Her phone beeped as she spoke. She glanced at the new text. “And it looks like
I have an early meeting tomorrow. Sometimes I wish our lives were a little
less hectic.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“I was thinking
the same thing,” said Clark. “And I have an idea. What do you say we fly to New
York this weekend?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Erica almost
dropped her phone. “New York? This weekend? Are you nuts?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Yes, New York.
This weekend.” He took her hand in his. “Think about it, Sweetie. We can stay in
a nice hotel, see a show and leave all our stress behind for a couple
days. No planning, no deliberation, just jump on a plane and follow our
impulses.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Oh my, Clark.
Can we really do it? It sounds so… spontaneous.” Her cheeks flushed red and she
couldn’t help grinning.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Still holding her
hand, Clark looked deep into her eyes. “Of course we can. Just say the word and
I’ll buy the tickets on my phone right now.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Let’s do it!”
she said. “Oh no, wait… I have the museum fundraiser Saturday night. I put a
lot of work into it and I really need to be there.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Clark smacked his
forehead with his hand. “Yes, that’s right. I totally forgot. Well, how about
next weekend?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Erica pulled up a
calendar app on her phone. “No, that’s your parents’ anniversary. We’ve had
those reservations for months. How about the weekend after that?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Clark pulled a
daily planner out of his coat pocket and flipped through it. “No can do. My
clarinet ensemble has a show at the library, and your brother is visiting the
weekend after that. How’s March looking for you?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
And so, after
some deliberation, Erica and Clark set a date for an impulsive trip to New York
on the second weekend in May, pending the status of a golf outing with Clark’s
boss and a possible dinner party with Erica’s sister.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“This is so
exciting!” Erica stood up and grabbed her purse. “I have to run, but I’ll see
you tonight.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
She gave him a
kiss and ran out the door feeling giddy. She knew she was lucky to have a man
who was so spontaneous.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Clark returned to
work feeling giddy, too. He was proud of his spontaneity.</div>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-11588078016697652112012-01-18T00:20:00.000-08:002012-01-18T00:25:24.151-08:00Childproof<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8KW2B6RdfBM/TxaAlwteCqI/AAAAAAAAAj0/JANpla4GNcY/s1600/merrygoround.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="161" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8KW2B6RdfBM/TxaAlwteCqI/AAAAAAAAAj0/JANpla4GNcY/s200/merrygoround.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Okay kids, are
you ready for some fun?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Yes!” shouted
Judy and Harry from the back seat.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Marvin was
excited, too. This was the first time in fifteen years that he visited his old
neighborhood and he couldn’t wait to show his kids where he used to play. Some
of his best childhood memories came from this park, and he still hasn’t found
another playground that looked half as fun as the one they were about to see.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Tell us about it
again, Daddy,” begged little Harry.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Well, there’s a super tall slide, and a merry-go-round and see-saws longer than our car—nothing
like that lame playground by our house.” Secretly, Marvin couldn’t wait to take
a ride down that slide again himself. It always scared him to climb to the top,
but the rush of adrenaline was worth it. “And here we are!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Marvin parked the
station wagon in a gravel parking lot and they all jumped out. The children
followed as he led them down a windy trail through some trees that opened up
into a wide field.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Marvin pulled a
branch aside for the big reveal. “Ta-da! Wait, what the—“</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“This looks just
like the park back home, Daddy,” said little Judy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Sure enough, the small
manufactured playset that stood before them had tiny plastic stairs, a tiny plastic
slide and a tiny rubber bridge that looked identical to every other playground in
their neighborhood.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“That slide isn’t
very big,” said Harry, stomping his feet.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“I don’t get it.”
Marvin blinked his eyes and looked around. Maybe he took a wrong turn
somewhere. “Excuse me, ma’am,” he said to a woman pushing a stroller nearby.
“Do you know what happened to the playground?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“It’s right
there,” she said, pointing toward the plastic monstrosity.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“No, no.” Marvin
shook his head. “I mean the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">real</i>
playground. There used to be a humongous slide and a merry-go-round and
see-saws—“</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Oh, they tore down that deathtrap years ago,”
she said, checking her baby. “Our neighborhood association determined it to be
unsafe and rallied to have everything replaced. Thank goodness, too. It was
only a matter of time before someone was killed from all those safety hazards.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“That’s
ridiculous,” said Marvin. “That was the best playground ever! I used to play on
it all the time and I turned out fine.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
The woman looked
up from her baby and let out a gasp. “Well, sir, you may want to endanger your
own life, but I can’t believe any sensible person would let their kids near a
merry-go-round or a hard metal slide taller than a house. And the see-saws… can
you imagine a child sticking his head under one of those things?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I’d like to stick your head under one of
those things,</i> thought Marvin, but he remembered his children and kept the
comment to himself as the woman marched away.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Judy tugged at
his sleeve. “Is the playground going to hurt us, Daddy?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“No dear,” he said. “The playground won’t hurt
you.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Marvin looked up
again at what had become of his childhood and felt a deep sense of nostalgia.
He remembered climbing up the long ladder as the whole slide wobbled, burning his
legs on the hot metal on the ride down and scraping his palms and knees on the
landing. He remembered running around the merry-go-round and hopping on at the fastest speed, sometimes bashing his head against the metal handles. Oh, if he
had a nickel for ever time he twisted his ankle jumping off! And the see-saws—he
could have ridden them all day. Of course, one of his friends would usually
jump off the other end when he was at the highest point, causing his seat to
crash into the ground. It always bruised his tailbone and twice caused him to
knock out a tooth on the handle. He remembered the laughs, the tears and the
blood—something his children would never be able to experience.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Marvin wiped away
a tear and took Judy and Harry by the hand. “Come on, guys. Maybe I can at
least show you the abandoned mill where I used to play.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“The one with all
the saws and electric cables?” asked Harry.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“That’s the one,”
said Marvin, determined to help his kids build some character.</div>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-16984739044946390462012-01-17T04:30:00.000-08:002012-01-17T04:30:02.372-08:00Brains...<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uv_0uYkq5js/TxUpJzinH4I/AAAAAAAAAjs/UCrIzrLFbPU/s1600/zombie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uv_0uYkq5js/TxUpJzinH4I/AAAAAAAAAjs/UCrIzrLFbPU/s200/zombie.jpg" width="143" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
Charlie and Susie
were still holding hands when the theater lights came up.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“That sure was a
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“Nah, it was
pretty fake.” Susie stood up to put on her coat.</div>
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“Do you think a
zombie apocalypse could ever really happen?” Charlie stretched his arms and
stood up, too.</div>
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Susie shrugged. “I
don’t know. One can hope.”</div>
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“Yeah—wait, what?” he asked.</div>
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She wrapped her
scarf around her neck. “Well, I don’t think it’s likely, but the world sure would
be lucky to have a zombie outbreak.”</div>
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Charlie scratched
his head. “How would that be lucky?”</div>
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“How wouldn’t it?”
she said. “Zombies don’t fight with each other. They don’t need any health
insurance or medical attention because nothing kills them—unless a stupid human shoots
them in the head. They aren’t judgmental. They don’t get bored. They don’t even
need to eat, but they sure get a kick out of some fresh brains every now and
then.”</div>
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“Hmm,” Charlie
put on his own coat. “I guess I never thought about it like that.”</div>
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Susie picked up
her purse and started to walk toward the aisle. “Honestly, have you ever seen a
zombie that didn’t look like he was happy to be a zombie? It’s the humans who are
always unhappy. They scream and fight with each other, and they’re the ones
creating more pollution and poverty. People always calm down and become content
once they’re infected. Wanna get some pizza?”</div>
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Charlie thought
about her words as they left the theater. He thought about them as they ate
their pizza, he thought about them as he tried to fall asleep that night and he
thought about them as he sat at his office desk the next day. Over time, he began
to envy zombies. He envied them so much that he tried to become infected by a
monkey the next time he visited a zoo. He went straight to the monkey house and
stuck his finger through a cage until a curious little primate scurried over
and bit off the tip.</div>
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Charlie didn’t
become a zombie, but he did win a nice settlement from the zoo. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
He also got
rabies.</div>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-29685375526721189442012-01-16T09:45:00.000-08:002012-01-16T09:45:09.023-08:00Sixth Sense<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KtUHTdZLGqM/TxRh3QH3KoI/AAAAAAAAAjk/Hv7tDWhlcfI/s1600/reaper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KtUHTdZLGqM/TxRh3QH3KoI/AAAAAAAAAjk/Hv7tDWhlcfI/s200/reaper.jpg" width="123" /></a></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Over here, Uncle
Joe!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Randall began
waving as soon as he spotted his elderly uncle walking out of the airport
terminal. The two men exchanged hugs, then stopped for a cup of coffee before
driving home to see the rest of the family.</div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“It’s great to
see you again, Randall,” Joe stretched his arms, still stiff from the long
flight. “You look more like your father every day.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Randall laughed.
“Yeah, I hear that a lot. I think it means I’m losing more hair, but I hope I
can keep the weight off a little better than Dad. I sure do miss him.”</div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Joe nodded. “Me,
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Randall’s face
turned a somber shade as he stirred his coffee. “Can I share something with
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Of course, son,”
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Randall continued
to stir his coffee for another minute before speaking. “It’s just that… these
past few months have been really tough. You see, I turned 53 last November.
It’s not that I mind getting older, but Dad was 53 when his heart failed him
and I’ve always dreaded this age. Ever since my birthday, I’ve had this creepy
feeling that something is going to happen to me this year. I feel like I’m not
meant to live longer than my father. I’ve never believed much in a sixth sense,
but I’m telling you it’s there—under my skin. I just know fate has something
dreadful in store for me this year, Uncle Joe. I can feel it.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The elderly man
listened carefully and took in all of his nephew’s words. He politely waited for
Randall to finish before sharing his thoughts.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Randall,” he
said. “Your father didn’t die when he was 53. He died when he was 51.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Randall never had
that creepy feeling again.</div>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4579695003458973011.post-351123455213876822012-01-15T12:06:00.000-08:002012-01-15T12:08:09.880-08:00Aargh!<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-W0cuicEvIrk/TxMxqc5TrlI/AAAAAAAAAjc/GimfMfqhf90/s1600/piratebear.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-W0cuicEvIrk/TxMxqc5TrlI/AAAAAAAAAjc/GimfMfqhf90/s200/piratebear.jpg" width="189" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Okay, so tell me again why you’re trying on
women’s blouses?” Darren smiled to some guys who
passed him as he shouted through the dressing room door.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Because,” said
Andy from within the room, “The party is a swashbuckler theme and it’s hard to
find puffy shirts in men’s clothing.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
The
door opened and Andy appeared wearing a shapely white blouse that was, indeed, very
puffy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“What do you
think?” asked Andy as he posed in front of a tall mirror.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Honestly,” said
Darren, “I think it makes your hips look big.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Hmm… I think you’re
right.” Andy twisted around to look at his reflection from the back. “I really
wish I lost five pounds before the party. Maybe I can find a sash in the Ladies’
Accessories department to cover it up. I think they have big loop earrings
there, too.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Didn’t you tell
me you were going to have a tough and manly costume?” asked Darren. “Aren’t you
going to this party so you can meet women?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
“Of course,” said
Andy. “Pirates are very manly. Everyone fears them and I’m dressing up like one
because all the single ladies will see me as a badass. Now, let’s go to the cosmetics
counter so I can try on some eyeliner.”</div>Martin Karlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00761746884688669520noreply@blogger.com1